And that's why my neighborhood is full of trees with tiny, uneven cuts on them

Gotta start today's post with a quick public service announcement: as glamourous and exciting as the world of CSA membership may appear on this blog, I do not necessarily recommend that you embark on a similar journey of plant-fatigue. I know it seems like a frolicking fantasyland of health and pretty colors, but you're basically committing to thinking obsessively about vegetables and how to use them for multiple hours a day and spending your Friday night staring down things like roasted cauliflower soup.

Also, there are bugs. Literal bugs. Sometimes a lot of them. They can live in a refrigerator for a surprisingly long time.

Anyway, I've already enticed one poor soul into two months of wrangling beets and rhubarbs rutabagas, and I just don't think I can take any more on my conscience.

Moving on! It's the weekend, so let's cleanse our palates with some party food.

And party booze, let's throw some of that in.

Mmmm...cleansing, cleansing bourbon.

That's right, January 8th, time for another holiday party! The traditional Kevin and Amalia brown bag gift exchange was delayed a bit this year (last year?), so we valiantly scraped together our remaining shreds of holiday spirit and made jolly once again. Okay, that's kind of a lie, I showed up in a terrible January vegetable-logged mood but I fixed it (see above).

I'm not going to explain the rules. It's white elephant-ish.

What strange and mysterious wonders await?

Dan's contribution was one of admirable culinary sophistication.

Bugs! In a can!

This is where you put the bugs, when you want to cook them.

Mary Beth was so infuriated to be the recipient of this delicacy that she...decided to prepare them immediately. So as to have them eaten and gone as soon as possible? I sort of lost the logic somewhere in the chaos of banging pots and angry muttering. Also, I was pretty far into my cleansing process at that point (see above).

It's hard to tell in this picture, but she's thinking about how much she hates Dan's face.

Look what she did! It smelled like food! Actually it just smelled like butter, which is even better than food.

The instructions on the can require that the snail butter sizzle, and damned if it didn't.

I know you're going to be disappointed in this rare lapse in my intrepid reporting skills, but I did not eat a snail. They were all consumed in the two minutes I was in the bathroom. Dan's review: "It was buttery."

I did, however, eat some Krabby Patties.

They tasted like sugar and squishiness.

They were a part of the gift I ended up with, possibly my best haul in the several years I have attended this soiree. To wit:

A bottle opener AND A WOOD SAW! What an amazingly terrible thing for me to have in my possession. So excited.