Looks like Anna wants a new pet for her birthday

Just because I was at the beach all weekend doesn't mean I didn't eat well! I think I covered every food group that involves cardboard packaging.

Those wheat thins were soooooooo stoned.

I won't bombard you with a million children-in-the-ocean pictures, but just know that they mastered the sea.

Until they were done.

Slightly past done.

Also, if you ever doubt that my daughters are related, put a hermit crab in their hands and behold.

The glittering of SSFL

One last Farmer Boy-ish supper before I return to my lazy, modern ways: chicken pot (chicken pot chicken pot) pie.

I mean, I might have snuck some lazy, modern ways into this one. Just to eeeeeeease back into the present.

You would feel bad if I pulled something jumping back into the hectic pace of today with cold muscles.

Did you guys know that both of my children will sit still and eat reasonable helpings of chicken pot pie? At the table? Around dinnertime? I didn't! Sometimes these meal planning projects yield fascinating results.

So obviously I didn't do Farmer Boy justice, AT ALL, because it is completely amazing in terms of energy intake/output and I am…not. I'm more of a "but I don't want to pickle beets" / "oatmeal seems like dinner" kind of girl these days. Like, if confronted with a live crustacean, I'm not even 100% certain I would kill it at this point. Where is all my energy going? Can't say for sure, but a good chunk of it is allocated toward…

…wearing embarrassing makeup in public!

In the sunlight, my lips were YELLOW. I looked like a failed Bond girl. Like, really super failed.

YES, welcome to dazzling Gold Month at the Super Social Food and Makeup League of Austin. I have to say, the pictures cannot to justice to what goobers we looked like this round.

Gooooooldeyelids

All I can tell you is, this was the first time we got to the front door of a restaurant and hesitated. For a while. We even attempted to make an immediate online reservation via phone in order to add some legitimacy to our dinner-seeking claim. After several minutes of milling around on the sidewalk, flashing brightly in the evening sun, we finally charged forward into the sea of professional-looking adults, where we were rewarded with one of the best bowls of soup I have ever had.

Kale, white beans, magic fairy salt

There was also fresh pasta.

And egg-topped pizza.

And strawberry crostata.

And this perfect, perfect dollop of panna cotta.

This thing jiggled right out of my dreams.

I definitely got off easier this month, since the gold lips were gone about halfway through the soup but Regan's lids shimmered strong all night. Don't feel bad for her. I already have my assignments for the next two months and they are intense. Stay tuned!

Speaking of intense, Anna has discovered puns and is running the gamut of typical pun-related emotions.

Time to go! We're headed to the beach today! Ivy is the only one packed!

…and the blogging is lazy

I don't know about you all, but I personally celebrated the summer solstice with some hearty nineteenth century midwinter fare, as is my way. Some apple pie, for starters:

GET WITH THE AUTHENTICITY

A mighty stack of griddle cakes, with butter and brown sugar in between each layer because that's how Almanzo ate them and if I take one thing away from Farmer Boy it will be the glorious image of stacked pancakes:

And, obviously, a tiny bit of homemade beef stock:

For those long, hot summer nights.

On Friday I will tell you about last night's Super Social Food and Makeup League outing, which I believe involved the fanciest place we have makeup-bombed so far. It was shiny. Very shiny.

Summertime, guys! Yeah!

I am also doing fewer chores, somehow

Guys, I'm not entirely sure how I managed to twist "Farmer Boy-inspired cooking" into "being a lot lazier about dinner," but here we are, and good luck ever getting me to eat oatmeal without heavy cream and nutmeg again.

Good luck getting me to eat ANYTHING without heavy cream and nutmeg.

Anna has been at camp at the children's museum all week, where she continues her rigorous costume-based academic training.

I don't know why anyone bothers trying to learn without a hat on.

In the meantime, Ivy and I have become very close with all of the cement pigs outside of the museum. Do y'all know how many cement pigs there are? We do.

Sharing is caring

STRICTLY GOOD THINGS TODAY, here we go:

Dan and I made our semi-annual child-free escape to exotic Fort Worth this past weekend, which is extremely good for our marriage in that we can hear each other speaking for more than 15 uninterrupted seconds at a time and also that I am reminded how pleasant it is to order a giant plate of salad...

...and still get to eat some of his donut holes.

#teamwork

Likewise, I can ORDER a plate of pancakes yet END UP WITH half a plate of pancakes and half a plate of farmer's market omelet with fruit. So much better.

I just think this is the sort of thing that commitmentphobes might want to note.

Dan wasn't really involved in the following plate of food beyond sitting across from it, I just wanted to show you this intensely green sandwich before I move on to the decidedly ungreen tray of Farmer Boy food coming up.

Remember what good decisions I was making in this moment.

I decided it was time to get authentic with my Famer Boying, so I hit up my girl Fannie Farmer for some guidelines on making rye bread.

There were…some. Some guidelines. "Shape into loaves and bake" type of stuff.

The best thing about using a 19th century recipe is that you can claim it was supposed to look like that, it's just rustic, obviously, get with the authenticity everyone. The second best thing is that you can call "bread, sausage, cheese, and apples" a meal.

GET WITH THE AUTHENTICITY

Anyway, we're all pretty excited about summer here, yes we know it isn't really summer yet, thanks, just getting super pumped in advance.

I think my lifestyle brand has been pretty well established

Sorry for the crankiness earlier this week, I feel like I let you guys down by failing to follow my own motto in life, "Nothing can leave a bad taste in your mouth as long as you keep stuffing Oreos in there." Onward!

The summer sun has turned it up a notch this week, so it's obviously time for some Farmer Boy grub. Spareribs and mashed potatoes, molasses baked beans:

Of course, the Wilder family would have eaten those three items on one plate, along with ham, turkey, dressing, creamed carrots, succotash, beet pickles, two kinds of bread and six kinds of pie. And I doubt Responsibility Broccoli featured prominently in the rotation. But they got up at five in the morning to work in fields and muck out stables and work looms and such and we've been getting up around eight to play Monopoly and see how close we can stand to the television.

Anyway, I've got my sights set on a couple of those pies, so we'll over be here revving up our appetites.

How To Get Into The Gilmore Girls Reunion At The ATX Festival

A) Get lucky on the Fast Pass button (see below)

B) Travel back in time and make different life choices in order to arrive at this moment a VIP

C) Cut in line (recommended; will work for at least three hundred or so people)

D) Sorcery

E) Adhere carefully to the following instructions:

1. Buy a weekend badge one year in advance
2. When you have an opportunity to reserve your festival Fast Passes spend at least two hours constantly refreshing the website in order to secure your place in the GG line.
3. Fail. That's okay! Websites get overwhelmed, people get fanatical, you are a woman of the internet and you understand these things. The organizers assure you that only a small percentage of the theater is devoted to Fast Passes and that most badge holders will be able to access the events they want. Be cool, man!
4. Ignore everything you have ever gathered to be true about human nature and arrive to line up at exactly 5:00, as that is when the organizers have instructed you to do so.
5. Notice that there are several hundred people already lined up. That's okay! They said no lines formed before 5:00 would be recognized.
6. See that they are in fact recognizing this particular pre-5:00 line. Lisa Simpson your way to the end of it.
7. Be assured by multiple volunteers that it is a big venue and you will be getting in.
8. Move back when the volunteers instruct you to do so.
9. Move back when the volunteers instruct you to do so.
10. Move back when the volunteers instruct you to do so.
11. Move back when the volunteers instruct you to do so.
12. Move back when the volunteers instruct you to do so.
13. Are you at least one full city block farther away from the theater than you started? Okay, good. Hang tight.
14. Observe, when someone near you in line voices concern that perhaps they are just letting A LOT of people in ahead of you, that she is immediately snapped at by a volunteer. Vow to be an obedient line-dweller.
15. Stand in line for 2 hours and 45 minutes. You may be in the direct sun. You may be proselytized. Intensely. It may involve a trumpet. Two people will pass out and get an ambulance visit, maybe you will be one of them! It's good to have a little excitement in a long boring line.
16. Hey look, they're handing out Pop Tarts! Aw, that's going to be adorable when you dehydration-vomit it up later.
17. Be assured by multiple volunteers that it is a big venue and you will be getting in.
18. OMG THE LINE IS MOVING
19. VOLS STILL SAYING YOU ARE FOR SURE GETTING IN
20. OMG YOU ARE FOUR PEOPLE FROM THE DOOR AND YOUR FRIEND INSIDE SAYS THERE ARE STILL SEVERAL EMPTY SEATS IN THE BALCONY
21. YAY YOU ARE INSIDE AND THERE ARE GILMORE GIRLS IN THERE WHAT A MAGICAL EVENING WHO CARES ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THE LAST THREE HOURS WERE WHEEEEEE

Wait, sorry, our sources are informing us that following the E) instructions will in fact get you turned away four people from the door.

If you're feeling up for it, you can politely hang around the front for a few minutes in case they realize there are in fact empty seats in there, no one has seemed to have any clue what was going on up until this point, so reversals seem highly possible, but I should warn you that this will result in you being angrily yelled at by the building manager, so, your call.

Hey, at least you can watch the organizers hang out with famous people on social media! That seems fun for them.

How To Recover From Your Failure To Get Into The Gilmore Girls Reunion At The ATX Festival

A) Go see if there's still free coffee at the Google Fiber space.

B) Remember that time Chelsea Peretti made this face:

C) Remember that plate of Reuben waffle fries:

D) And that hot dog that had macaroni and cheese on it:

E) And that French toast made out of donuts:

F) And these mozzarella-filled delight-beasts:

G) And that time you reacted to meeting Dan Harmon by attempting to physically collapse inside of yourself so as to be less of a bother to him:

G) 2. just like when you met Paul Scheer

H) Go home and hug your weirdos, one of whom recently started to referring to the foam sword as a "pirate wand."

I) Remember that you are just a casual fan with #FOMO and not a genuinely heartbroken devotee who spent a lot of money and traveled a long way specifically for one event only to be yelled at for being surprised and upset when things suddenly went from "this is a big venue with plenty of space" to "just kidding, get out of here." Go watch Game of Thrones, as a palate cleanser.