Batman (1966)
Director: Leslie H. Martinson
Had I seen this before: Yes, many years ago at an Alamo Drafthouse screening that included a Q&A with Adam West and Burt Ward and I believe there was also a replica of the Batmobile parked out front
For the past couple of months, every time I've talked with my friend Alex about what I've been watching or should try to watch next, she has consistently offered up The Batman. Now, as far as I know, Alex has not seen The Batman nor does she have any specific enthusiasm for superhero movies. I am starting to wonder if she is perhaps on the Warner Bros payroll, employed to make extremely small, targeted recommendations around town. Or maybe it's just a newish movie that she has heard of. Anyway, The Batman is three hours long and looks boring and doesn't seem to have any colors in it, so I instead watched Batman, which is under two hours long and contains bat-branded shark repellant and boasts what I believe may be every color ever captured on film.
Just for the record, my personal bat-preference is Keaton/Burton, as I find the balance of comic book silliness, engaging action, and world-building aesthetic there the most entertaining. Also, Batman Returns is a Christmas movie which gives me a reason to rewatch it with some frequency. Generally speaking, I have no use for any of the following words in conjunction with comic books: gritty, wrenching, nihilist, angry, grim, we live in a society, etc. Some brooding is acceptable. I do not need comic villains to put me in mind of real-life serial killers. I do need them to be amusingly inept at recognizing Bruce Wayne behind his mask. Bonus points if the actor's face paint is applied over an obvious mustache. All of which is to say, if I had to lean one way or the other on the silly/serious superhero spectrum, I'm going West every time.
The 1966 Batman movie is just a slightly stretched-out version of the 60s Batman TV series: absurd, self-aware, antic, surprisingly horny. The amount of time Robin and Alfred spend talking around the propriety of watching surveillance footage of Batman hooking up with an in-disguise Catwoman in this movie that was definitely made for children is...I dunno, I'm going to say commendable. Batman spends about half of the movie in the Austin Powers Danger Zone of Randiness, basically drooling at the very idea of Lee Meriwether's Catwoman-as-Russian-journalist-character. I don't know why it doesn't irritate me when he does it, except maybe that it's a comedy and it's also the exact result Catwoman is trying to achieve in her job as an undercover agent, being the only one of the four featured supervillains who is competently fulfilling her duties re: evil agenda.
Speaking of the villains, one of the best things about this movie is their lair, which in this case is on a submarine. First of all, the aforementioned colors are outstanding--this cartoonish version of 1966 is incredibly vibrant and peppy. I also love that, just like in the Bat Cave, everything is labeled and on-brand. Catwoman's little electronic transmitter is shaped like a cat. The Penguin's version of a jet pack is a flying, rideable umbrella. The doors to what I assume are their sleeping quarters are all decorated, like in a freshman dorm. The personal branding in this film is so strong, it's like a bunch of influencers living together as roommates, sharing a nefarious plan for world domination. It's basically what I assume the show Hype House is about.
The other best thing about this movie is how thoroughly, gleefully nonsensical all the riddles and riddle-solving processes are. Having watched and read many somber detective stories wherein someone solves a clue that's a bit of a stretch and makes me think "...huh, I guess so?" it is very gratifying to see Adam West's mock-serious expression as The World's Greatest Detective goes to work on questions like "What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous?" (A sparrow with a machine gun.) As much as this running gag tickled me, it seemed to frustrate my more literal-minded viewing partner, who for some reason reacted with an exasperated sigh at the perfectly reasonable "What has yellow skin and writes?" (A ball-point banana.)
Line I repeated quietly to myself: "Bon voyage, Pussy"
Is it under two hours: Yes, as previously noted
In conclusion: If you have a chance to travel back in time and see this at the Alamo Drafthouse with your friends and a few beers and the stars in attendance, I strongly recommend that as probably the peak viewing experience for this film. Otherwise it's pretty fun but drags a bit in places and will likely only result in moderate approval from your resident 12-year-old.
Crab Legs with Garlic Butter from Dinner at the Zoo
The best scene in the movie involves Batman running around a pier, trying to safely dispose of a very large, very fake-looking bomb without hurting any innocent bystanders. Said bystanders are, of course, everywhere he turns, some more intransigently locked into place than others. Two such immoveable objects are the women shown enjoying their meal of what I think are crab legs, to the extend that they cannot even be bothered to look over at a frantically shouting Batman.
I wanted a dinner that good.
Then I remembered that in my personal experience, crustaceans are the undefeated champions of not being worth the money or effort. Sorry to the crab lovers out there but I'm certain I could dip much less expensive things in garlic butter and achieve the same effect. But I do think that the bomb scene is probably worth three minutes of your time, and I still relate strongly to the women who are trying to enjoy their lunch, I just have to mentally substitute a giant plate of nachos to fully empathize.
Up next: Okay I lied I also watched The Batman
