What's Up, Doc?; Roast Beef Sandwich and a Hot Fudge Sundae

What's Up, Doc? (1972)

Director: Peter Bogdanovich

Had I seen this before: Many times, as a kid

I think many of us who were children in the 80s/90s had a set collection of VHS tapes that, along with network television, constituted the bulk of our visual entertainment. This was one of the titles in our household rotation, which means it is embedded very deeply in my brain and I have no real context for its status in the world at large. Is this a hidden gem that most of you have never even heard of? Is it a well-known touchstone of the screwball comedy genre? It was the third-highest-grossing movie of 1972, behind The Godfather and The Poseidon Adventure! Am I the only person who thought of 70s wunderkind director Peter Bogdanovich as the maker of my favorite Barbra Streisand movie until I thought of him as Melfi's shrink and then eventually the guy who did Polly Platt dirty?

If you are not familiar, this movie is basically a cross between Bringing Up Baby and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World--an absolute cornucopia of hijinks and silly rat-a-tat dialogue. Streisand plays Judy Maxwell, a sort of manic pixie nightmare, a charming fast-talking sociopath who has her sights set on mild-mannered musicology expert Harold Bannister (Ryan O'Neal) and who, I cannot stress enough, looks absolutely incredible throughout. The eyes, the hair, the tan, the fits. As the movie's title suggests, she is a sexy girl by way of Bugs Bunny and when she leaves a trail of chaos in her wake I get it. I would have no choice but to let Judy Maxwell ruin my life. The simplicity of the screwball set-up--there are four identical plaid suitcases in one hotel containing items needed or desired by a whole host of characters--gives the movie plenty of space to indulge in zaniness and ad libs without feeling overstuffed.

The cast is stacked with recognizable Mel Brooks players. It's my beloved Madeline Kahn's screen debut and she comes in HOT as Harold's overbearing fiancée. (The only jokes that really don't hold up for me are at the expense of her character's alleged unattractiveness.) There is Kenneth Mars, doing perhaps the most accent in film history. There is Liam Dunn, selling the world's most burnt-out judge. And in this re-watch John Hillerman absolutely had me on the floor as a deadpan hotel manager. There's even that guy Austin Pendleton and a baby-faced Randy Quaid about. Ryan O'Neal is probably the weak link in the comedy department--in a couple of scenes you can see the effort to keep up with the nonsense back-and-forth dialogue--but his main job is to be a handsome, beleaguered face, and in that he succeeds.

The centerpiece of the whole thing is an absolutely rollicking chase sequence through the streets of San Francisco, a barrage of near-misses and non-misses that crescendos right into the bay. Apparently this was the first American film to credit its stunt people, and wow do they deserve it. I know it's very old man yells at clouds to complain about the prevalence of CGI at this point, but watching a bunch of very real, very tactile things get smashed up in service of comedy really scratches an itch in a way that a lot of modern movies can't.

Line I repeated quietly to myself: "Don't you dare strike that brave, unbalanced woman!"

Is it under two hours: An easy breezy 94 minutes, baby

In conclusion: It's hard to assess something that is so ingrained in my memory--for me personally it holds up incredibly well for a 50-year-old comedy (especially one that is actually a throwback to much older comedies), but a first-timer might bump harder against some of its flaws. And maybe live-action cartoon just isn't to your taste! However, I will say this: your 12-year-old may vary, but mine laughed harder at this movie than I can remember her laughing in years. She was either grinning in anticipation of the next big disaster or was shaking and crying with laughter, objecting breathlessly "It's so dumb." If that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is.

Roast Beef Sandwich, Coffee Hot Fudge Sundae, and a large bottle of diet soda

"Hi, Room Service, this is Room 1717. I would like a double-thick roast beef sandwich medium rare on rye bread with mustard on the top, mayonnaise on the bottom, and a coffee hot fudge sundae with a large bottle of diet anything. You got that? Yeah, Room 1717. Oh, and Room Service, would you put it in the hall outside the door. I mean, don't bring it in or knock on the door because I'm just putting my little one to sleep. Thank you."

A coffee hot fudge sundae. Her mind! Judy Maxwell knows if you're going to steal some room service you may as well live it up.

I appreciate when the dialogue in the movie itself provides instructions for assembling the meal, saves me having to link to a recipe. Not much to say about this combination except that my children were pleasantly surprised to be told that we were having sandwiches and ice cream for dinner.

Up next: Join me back in Y2K, all you need is a light jacket

Garden State; Off-Brand Lucky Charms Cereal Bars

Garden State (2004)

Director: Zach Braff

Had I seen this before: Yes, when it first came out and full disclosure I'm pretty sure I liked it

Line I repeated quietly to myself: None, but I did say "Oh no" out loud several times

After my last post I didn't want it to seem like I just Okay Boomer-ed and ran--in the interest of fairness I thought it might be good to tackle another "generational" sort of hangout movie to show that in fact all generations are extremely annoying in their own way. This one would, I guess, be my generation specifically? I had just turned 24 when it came out, which seems to put me in range. (Side note: one of my most pointless personal obsessions is the fact that I fall directly in the crack between Gen X and Millennial and don't know what I am because I don't really seem to be either of those things! I am generationally homeless! I understand that this is not a real problem in any sense!) Technically speaking, Braff is Gen X and Natalie Portman is a Millennial and I fall in between them, so again, for better or worse let's say that this movie is about my generation, whatever that is.

It has a lot in common with The Big Chill--it's defined by its soundtrack, a funeral at the beginning serves as a reunion catalyst, it has a lot of sad white people in it. But the style is very different, in a way that has probably made this movie age faster and...worse. While the ethos of the early 80s striver hits a sour note today, the cinematic language of The Big Chill holds up, and it still reads as a well-crafted movie. I say this as someone with an almost superhuman tolerance for the twee and quirky (no Wes Anderson has ever been too Wes Anderson for this lass) and someone who has never really had a problem with Zach Braff: Garden State is just visually over-designed and often random for the sake of randomness. The characters even overuse the word random! (They also, I am deeply sorry to report, overuse the word "retarded." I cannot tell you how many times Natalie Portman says it! It's not used as an insult, but it is used as a joke. I found it genuinely shocking!) Every "random" interaction with someone in town is written in the same voice, to the point that all the minor characters seem to be a part of some sort of Quirkiness Borg situation.

Even when the dialogue is not yikes-inducing, it is clunky and on-the-nose. "I'm weird, man. About random stuff, too." "This is my life Dad, this is it." "Can you imagine the guy whose job it is to fight for his right to build a mall on some ecological phenomenon?" Yes, movie. Unfortunately, I can.

It's not all bad though. Jim Parsons is doing some solid physical comedy work in a suit of armor. Jean Smart is there, and so is Ann Dowd. Ian Holm is there too, although I spent his scenes wishing he would put on the ring and disappear from this party. I liked that the clothes and houses and yards looked realistically messy. It inspired a pretty funny meme. Do I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs into a quarry? Every day of my life. And there was something weirdly watchable about it--I started every scene interested in where it was going until the characters inevitably ruined it. 

Is it under two hours: Yes

How old do the characters look: The same age as me. 24.

In conclusion: As much as I did not think it held up and in fact sometimes wanted to physically fight this film, there is something about the earnestness of it that sort of makes me feel sorry for it? Or maybe that's an off-shoot of the fact that things from the early 2000s often make me feel sorry for my younger self? Or the soundtrack full of songs from my twenties is confusing my emotional response? Impossible to say. 

Lucky Charms Marshmallow Gems Cereal Bars from Dinner Then Dessert

One failure of this film is an appalling lack of food. There is one scene in which Jean Smart describes her Lucky Charms marshmallow management strategy. So, fine. Lucky Charms. Oh ho ho but wait--much like the traditional Vietnamese drag that Zach Braff dons in one of the opening scenes, Lucky Charms are apparently quite cursed. Marshmallow Gems it is.

This whole post is really just a PSA reminding you that you can make "Rice Krispies Treats" out of absolutely any cereal and they will taste like marshmallows and butter and make everyone happy.

Up next: Celebrating the 50th anniversary of a movie that does "wackiness" successfully 

The Big Chill; Funeral Sandwiches

The Big Chill (1983)

Director: Lawrence Kasdan

Had I seen this before: No, but I listened to the soundtrack a lot when I was a kid

With all due respect to Mr. Lawrence Kasdan, a man who not only wrote a famously impressive sequel but also directed one of my favorite underrated rom-coms, I approached this particular film confident in my understanding that it was not a movie For Me. It was, rather, an artifact to be examined with an anthropological eye, a sort of Rosetta Stone that would unlock the mysteries of the white yuppie Boomer. I also carried some miscellaneous baggage into the viewing: the vague idea that this movie was mostly propped up by the soundtrack; the random bit of trivia that Kevin Costner played the corpse at the beginning of the film but all his flashback scenes were cut; the memory of a Kevin Kline-starring SNL sketch from 1988 that spoils the climax, so to speak, of the Mary Kay Place story arc. (I would link it but there does not appear to be video of it anywhere online. And it was NSFW. And upon reflection, probably NSF 8-year-olds, which is what I was when it aired. The theme of this post is "The 80s, man!!!")

The first thing that struck me was something that comes up a lot when watching older movies, which is that, due to the way they're styled, actors who are several years younger than I am now look more like adults than I ever will. It happens all the time and it's confusing. I think it's exacerbated when the "young adults" are about the age that my parents were in that time period--I'm almost exactly the same age as the actor playing the little kid in the opening scene. These 36-year-olds are my parents! Except Jeff Goldblum, who is somehow wearing a pair of glasses with frames that are currently in fashion again. How does he do that? Anyhow, this is definitely a universal problem that affects everyone and is not related to the fact that I still dress like I did when I was 15.

I was not disappointed with the Drakkar Noir-scented eightiesness of it all--peachy pink couches, ticking biological clocks, microscopic running shorts, former-idealists-turned-rich-bored-assholes, cocaine, QUAALUDES. I was disappointed in Kevin Kline's accent. And Kevin Kline's character. You know what? I've never found Kevin Kline less attractive. And I'm including times when he played some real maniacs. And Mr. Fischoeder!

As expected, I couldn't ever really vibe with the thing--one moral of the story seems to be that when you grow up you must fully give yourself over to the cruel Reagan-era gods of capitalism or else you're being childish. As their elder, I gotta disagree. Greedy whippersnappers! And Glenn Close, bless her, manages to sell the sort of lingering-hippie commune-living partner-sharing stuff as pretty sweet but that's also not really for me. But I do like that it's a hangout movie full of appealing actors just having conversations. I want Hollywood to make a million more adult dramedies about people who have feelings and jokes. We exist!

Line I repeated quietly to myself: "We weren't, uh...conducive."

In conclusion: I expected this movie to be uniformly insufferable and instead found it merely irritating in places. A nice surprise! It was also a very reasonable one hour and forty-five minutes, which goes a long way with me. If I do continue on in this vein for a while you will have to endure my constant complaints about the fact that movies now are too long why are they so long directors in the past told compelling stories in under two hours please filmmakers I'm begging you.

Southern Belle Funeral Sandwiches from Grilled Cheese Social

To this movie's credit, there are a bounty of food scenes to choose from--I appreciate when art acknowledges that eating is a critical part of our relationships with other people. There's a group dinner with tossed salad and thrown-at-the-wall spaghetti, a midnight snack that as far as I could tell consisted of mayonnaise on white bread with a glass of milk (everyone in this film is an extremely white person) (except Meg Tilly who I believe is of partly Chinese descent but she's an outsider and not part of the gang, just further proves my point), a big bowl of popcorn for the football game, Chinese take-out, and a pancake breakfast with coffee and OJ. But I wanted to represent the massive funeral spread for poor faceless Kevin Costner in the beginning of the film. Since it takes place in South Carolina, as unconvincingly-evidenced by Kevin Kline's accent, I went with a Southern staple: the funeral sandwich.

I think it would be pretty difficult to add brown sugar, dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and a full stick of butter to a tray of sandwiches and not end up with something that tastes good. But I did struggle with reheating these after letting them marinate in the refrigerator--the suggested time in the oven was 15-20 minutes and these were still cold in spots after 35. We just ate them that way because this was a quick dinner before an evening school event, but actual mourners deserve truly melty cheese! Anyway, I don't know if these would make me feel better were I grieving credited-but-not-featured Kevin Costner but they certainly wouldn't make me feel worse.

Up next: I have no idea, this is just a placeholder to remind me to get organized enough in the future to already know what the next movie will be. Welcome to my planning notes. Pay no attention to the lady underneath the weighted blanket. Also, I've been trying to get comments to work again and they just...won't. So I guess if you want to discuss any of the above, send me a raven or something.

Everything Everywhere All at Once; Bagels

Hi! I'm back. Much like Ke Huy Quan's character in the movie at hand, I am too lazy busy to provide full exposition here at the outset--just know that this is now a blog about things I'm watching and the themed food items that they inspire. Or at least this post is, no one is making any promises here, maybe I just show up again in two years with a post about how I'm super into competitive billiards (and, one assumes, the themed food items that it inspires).

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Directors: Daniels

Had I seen this before: No

I was concerned going into this because I listen to a lot of movie podcasts and read a lot of critics and any time there is an overwhelmingly positive response to something before I'm able to see it I am inevitably disappointed (this also works the other way--when something is getting a lot of "meh" reactions I tend to find things to like about it). (What's up Nightmare Alley!) Expectations going in are absurdly influential on my poor suggestible brain, and Letterboxd is going what can only be described as "apeshit" for this film, so again...concerned.

Plus, of course, it's impossible for me to relate to the protagonist. Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh) is a middle-aged woman confronted with the fact that her current existence involves the most wasted potential and missed opportunities possible in this or any universe. This literal worst version of her is harried and often frustrated and bad at expressing love and worried about her daughter(s). She describes herself as "stubborn, aimless, and a mess." Difficult to contemplate such an existence. A true test of empathetic imagination.

Okay, so...clearly at least one of the themes of this movie spoke to me deeply. I also found that I was often having a very good time--I don't want to give anything away, but there is a running gag with a specific animal that I genuinely couldn't get enough of, and a completely silent scene that is one of the most unexpectedly wonderful things I've seen in a long time--but I was also often a little stressed out or restless due to the pacing and the sheer quantity of stuff. Which means it is probably a movie I would like more on second viewing when I can spend less time struggling to keep my head above water and more time rolling the name of Jamie Lee Curtis's character around in my mind (Deirdre Beaubeirdra, say it soft and it's almost like praying) and being happy to see Short Round return as a wonderful grown-up actor.

Line I repeated quietly to myself: "Even smaller pieces of shit."

In conclusion: I am a sucker for movies that make characters go through a bunch of weird or impossible trials just to realize that they love their family or whatever. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my all-time favorites; Anna and I had just watched The Wizard of Oz a few hours earlier and it's kind of the same deal. This movie is like the most maximalist possible vision of Plath's fig tree. What if a bunch of other versions of you had grabbed every fig and you could harness their skills for some wildly inventive fight scenes? Every choice matters; nothing matters; kindness matters; more is more is more is more.

Homemade Everything Bagels from Sally's Baking Addiction

If you have seen the film you will know that I did not have to do much creative stretching to tie in a representative food. The bagel is crucial. It's everything. And we live in a universe where cows still exist and cream cheese is readily available and I think it's important to recognize and celebrate that.

I embark on every bread-related excursion expecting it to be hard and return from every bread-related excursion remembering that bread-baking is not hard, it's just that I don't like cleaning flour off the counter. This was no exception. I turned these out in a couple of hours on Saturday afternoon with no forethought, merely the bee in my bonnet insisting that I start blogging again for some reason. People need to know your thoughts about film and television and also see that you can produce a competent everything bagel, it buzzed. Happy is she whom the muses love, etc. 

I will say that if you are lazy resourceful like me and use the Trader Joe's Everything But the Bagel seasoning as your topping, keep a close eye because the garlic bits got a tiny bit toastier than I wanted.

Anyway. See you back here for the 2024 World Pool Championships, probably.