I guess I could stop making the fake versions of things for a while

For some reason, I made faux-tuna salad. With chickpeas. I mean, I really like chickpeas, but I also really like tuna salad, so unless I get crazy-worried about mercury I'll probably just stick with that in the future. As I ate this sandwich I really understood Dan's tempeh/sausage issue--with every bite I thought, "WHY AREN'T YOU TUNA, FAKE TUNA?" Also, the recipe as written is a good jumping off point, but it's woefully lacking in the mustard and pickle areas.

Needs 100 more pickles.

Hey, pizza is good, right? I should probably put some eggs on top of it just to make sure.

Yep, good.

I had some issues with this Ellie Krieger recipe, but mostly just because I used homemade pizza dough and couldn't quite get the temperature/cooking time right for both it and the eggs. I ended up both broiling AND microwaving my piece to make sure the egg white wasn't wiggly, and it rewarded me by popping open exactly like the turkey in Christmas Vacation. Except a little more explode-y. I was covered in a fine mist of egg-shrapnel. I still really enjoyed this pizza. That's how good pizza is, intrinsically.

Anna's development from moderately cranky toddler to fine-tuned, razor-sharp tantrum-throwing machine means that getting dressed is now a violent and time-consuming endeavor. Therefore, she is frequently wearing a diaper and no clothing:

Easier cleanup, works for me.

Or vice versa:

This is a dangerous game indeed.

She did take a break in her busy schedule of acting like a lunatic to hang out with Cash on his birthday. Look how almost-tolerant she's being of this sweet birthday hug!

Not screaming = win win win. Sardonic glances are perfectly acceptable.

What I figured out this morning at Phil's Icehouse is that she's simply lacking a sympathetic confidante.

"No one understands me but you, weird blue cow."

I've finally learned that she'll wear herself out after 12 hours or so

I find that the best way to liven up a fairly boring Cooking Light recipe for udon noodles with veggies and peanut sauce is with a fancy pair of chopsticks.

Seriously, they make those noodles and snow peas COME TO LIFE.

Dan's review of Cozy Collards with Tempeh: "The tempeh reminds me of sausage. And how I'd rather be eating sausage." Fair enough.

Please imagine that I have Photoshop and have inserted the chopsticks into this picture.

As loyal readers will recall, once in a while I throw Dan a nice manly steak to help wash the vegetables down. I don't, however, reduce the normal amount of greenery in order to accommodate it. It's basically a giant forest with one small cow in it somewhere.

Finding meat in this house is like looking for Waldo.

Finally, some photographic evidence that spending the entire day wailing at your mother and throwing yourself against various walls and pieces of furniture will really take it out of you:

This was the only diaper change of the day that went smoothly.

Try to spot where the cooking effort went this week

You can usually tell what at what point in the CSA cycle I am by what we're having for dinner. Trying to figure out a way to use turnips and finish the salad mix?

If you don't know what to do with a vegetable, I recommend mixing it with potatoes and frying it.

Throwing some fish from the freezer on top of a pile of greens?

This just is what it is, but bacon does help.

Definitely at the end. See you again in two weeks, fish and greens! In case you wondered, by the way, for every mature and respectable plate of salmon and vegetation, I attempt something like homemade Pop-Tarts.

Rainbow sprinkles are the opposite of the CSA box.

I've started noticing that Anna's approach to her various toys and tools has really developed over time. Her black bouncy chair and high chair, for example, seem to serve different functions than in the past.

Then: bed/lounge area/temporary prison.

Now: mini-theme park.

Then: food court/battlefield.

Now: super sweet fort.

My personal function has gone from eatery/mattress to sounding board/jungle gym. Most other items have become hats.

Kids being cute. Vegetarian dishes being weird.

Friday night we met the Loontjers at the train station on our way to dinner at the Coop like the sophisticated urban adventurers that we are.

Anna whistles for the train to hurry up. Cash excitedly contemplates his new life riding the rails.

Cash's perfectionist streak became apparent when he decided that it would be more picturesque if Anna had a black eye to match his own. 

It's hard not to support an artistic vision like that. 

On Sunday we headed to Boerne, where Anna spent some quality time at the piano with her cousin Levi. She may have enjoyed that a little.

"This toy is much noisier than anything I have at home!"

Monday morning we went to the park to give Anna and Cash another opportunity to be cute together. I know it kind of looks like we said "SIT ON THAT ROCK AND BE ADORABLE or we'll let the ducks eat you," but I swear they generated this pose on their own.

If Anna were awkwardly holding some sort of hobby-indicating prop this could be her high school senior portrait.

Over the weekend I attempted the odd-sounding yet nice-tasting Eggplant and Almond Enchiladas. Dan seemed somewhat opposed to them in theory, but he ate four of them. Unusual enchilada filling wins!

Seriously, though, are enchiladas ever not good? My tortilla press and I very much doubt it.

Last night was Pasta de los Angeles from my vegan cookbook. If it were being served in an elementary school cafeteria it would be called "Mexican Spaghetti." I liked it. And covered it in cheese.

Might make more sense to flip those last two sentences.

Quando olhos português estão sorrindo

Happy belated St. Paddy's, all! I must've really used up a lot of holiday energy on Mardi Gras last week, because I didn't even bother covering the house in tacky green stuff or drunkenly trying to do an Irish accent to the dismay of everyone within earshot. I DID, however, make some green-ass pancakes. No food coloring either, those bad boys are full of CSA spinach.

The CSA superhero is ever-vigilant, ESPECIALLY during vaguely themed holiday breakfasts.

Believe it or not, this is a face of approval:

"It is fine work you've done here, Mother."

For dinner, I obviously wanted to go with something traditionally Portuguese WAIT HEAR ME OUT. Caldo Verde, vegan version, is a POTATO soup full of GREENS. It's pretty much the most Irish thing that Portugal has ever come up with.

FINE, on June 10th I'll make a beef and Guinness pie or something.

The night before that we had poached eggs. With, I don't know, some vegetables under them.

Approval:

If I can reduce her black bile, maybe she'll start napping again

Nothing very exciting on the dinner front lately, although Monday night's meal was probably a little too feisty to be Lent-appropriate.

Red foods disturb the balance of the humors. Too sanguine. Everyone knows this.

Mustard-glazed carrot soup from my Mark Bittman cookbook, homemade whole wheat bread with goat cheese, roasted red peppers, and the pickled greens that were not as disastrously canned as I feared. After all that color and flavor, I figured I should bring it back down a notch for last night's dinner just to be safe. Accomplished! Spaghetti squash with roasted Brussels sprouts and chickpeas.

I've never met a vegan recipe that I didn't want to put cheese on top of.

Meanwhile, Anna and I are keeping up our usual pace of vigorous physical exercise...

...and probing scientific inquiry.

The inquiry here is "How many times in a row can I bounce this balloon against my forehead?" and the hypothesis is "One million."

There is also a lovely restaurant that we can never go back to

Did we all properly enfatten ourselves on Tuesday? I personally put forward a pretty superlative effort, so if you slacked a little, don't worry, I probably have you covered. Finished up the muffaletta supplies (read: fatty fat fat meat and cheese) and most of the remaining Zapp's.

Also made some ice cream with a nice, holiday-appropriate purple tinge to it. Tastes like chocolate and orange...whatever could be causing that magnificent hue?

That's right. Devil root.

Of course, any time there is Gras, there must be a period of de-Grasing, also known as "Everything We Eat is Brown and Green Now."

Broiled flounder with chard and black eyed peas. No recipe, just cook-and-pile.

Millet mash with carrot and ginger and baked tofu with nutty miso sauce, courtesy of Mark Bittman.

I guess technically this penitence should last until Easter, but I wouldn't hold my breath. I've been bookmarking some decidedly non-abstemious recipes. 

Anna and I have decided that since she's quickly approaching the 20-month mark it's probably time to ratchet up a few stereotypical toddler behaviors. First up: cartoonishly messy handprints everywhere.

Did you guys ever play Rampage? Just asking.

Next: highly theatrical tantrums for incomprehensible reasons. I'm not talking about the fact that she has recently decided that both her high chair and whatever clothes I have picked out for her are implements of certain demise. That typical resistance aside, in one day alone we had truly vicious screaming regarding the following situations:

Dan going to the bathroom for two minutes.

The delivery woman leaving the doorway after dropping off a package.

Me closing the refrigerator door. I'm only including a picture of that one because I was kind of impressed that it lasted for twenty minutes and wriggled its way under the table and across the room.

This is a high caliber tantrum.

Anyway, if our electricity bill is $5,000 next month it will be because I have relented and decided to leave the refrigerator open perpetually. This is a thing that could possibly happen.

"Shrove Tuesday" sounds like kind of a downer

Happy Fat Tuesday, ladies and gents!

As you go through your daily routine, try to remember the true point of this holiday--to literally fatten up. I, for one, added a few pieces of chocolate to my almond butter-english muffin this morning. Yeah. It's called "leading by example." So please make sure you get a decent amount of pork fat or cheese or...I guess vegans will have to make do with a big pile of avocados or something.

Am I going to observe the period of fasting and sacrifice for which Mardi Gras was intended as a preparation? No I am not. I only appropriate fun things from other groups. Lent-themed parties are a drag. Also, asceticism starts to seem like a terrible idea right around March 17th.

Sunday night's meal wasn't remotely themed or seasonal, unless you could the fact that there was unleavened bread involved (all religious food restrictions run together in my head). Chicken korma with curried cabbage and peas from Appetite for Reduction.

Also some chapati. Did I carefully roll each of these flatbreads out into a thin circle? No I did not because I have a tortilla press, suckas!

All flatbreads are tortillas in my house.

Last night's meal really didn't do justice to Lundi Gras at all. This quinoa salad with roasted beets, chickpeas, and orange was practically Lenten.

Except for that bright red Devil Root. It almost certainly enflames urges of some type.

Anyway, hope you all have a fun and bountiful holiday! 

May you have the world at your feet.

Laissez les theme parties rouler

Wow, when I wait long enough between posts I get all nostalgic for the long-ago meals. Hey there, red lentil and root vegetable dal from my vegan cookbook! I remember you, all healthy and balanced.

I should probably just change the name of this blog to "Poached Egg or Greek Yogurt?"

And look! It's tuna cabbage salad on homemade oat bread, what a great start to the week so far!

No way this healthy train is getting derailed.

Okay Wednesday, what have you got for us?

(COMICAL RECORD-SCRATCH.)

Ooooooh that's right, Wednesday was my turn to host Bunko. As you can probably guess, I kept it all very low-key and simple.

No. I didn't do that.

I decided to have a Mardi Gras party, as I am physically incapable of getting through a day without attempting to make it themed. Seriously, it's an actual addiction. TLC is thinking of giving me my own show.

Muffalettas with olive salad from my canning book, stuffed mushrooms, cajun popcorn, red bean and rice dip, crab cakes. This is both the party menu and a summary of my diet for the past three days.

There was also king cake with cinnamon ice cream.

And a baby, for tradition and creepiness.

I will start cooking again. At a later date. This is absolutely the plan.

Anna is still helping arrange things in the kitchen. Her style is quirky, but I think I'm starting to get it.

"Spoons? Hmm."

"Kitchen mat. Yes."

She has slowed down the last couple of days because she's a little bit sick.

And super dramatically lit.