On its face, "Survival Burger" seems like a recipe you would only want to make in pretty dire circumstances. It has a real "literally the only option" sound to it.
When you actually check out the ingredients, though, you will find that it's...hmm, no, that's also some pretty last-resort stuff.
And, unlike fiddlehead ferns which are a real thing, we have finally come to what seems to be a fictional ingredient.
You would think "this recipe includes a non-existent item" would be a deal-breaker, but this is not a blog where deals are broken, my friends. My solution was to scour the produce section for the plant that most closely resembled said non-existent item, which on that particular day at HEB was a malanga root.
Much like the flush of accomplishment I felt upon discovering fiddleheads in the real world, I was surprisingly excited to procure a plant I had never heard of and immediately shred it like a potato.
Turns out you can make hash browns out of exotic starchy roots and have them turn out just as good as
if not better than
potatoes! I actually felt like the crispy root was a little bit wasted on the eggplant burger it was accenting. Roasted eggplant and beans mushed up together taste exactly like you would think roasted eggplant and beans mushed up together would, except slightly messier to eat.
They were fine.
ASSESSMENT: I'm sure if I were actually in a cave and starving this would seem like manna from heaven, but I still can't imagine a planet on which this is considered a "convenient snack." No way to eat this without giant gobs of eggplant mush ending up all over the cave floor.
PROJECT STATUS: As long as it knows how to love I know it'll stay alive
