Writing more than two paragraphs gives me the sleepies

Saturday was both Cinco de Mayo and the Kentucky Derby, two perfect not-really-holidays ripe for en-themening. Here is what I would like to report to you right now: lunch was a beautiful marriage of Hot Browns and mint juleps, followed by a Kentucky butter cake with bourbon sauce. We wore large and comical hats. For dinner I recreated these insane enchiladas, only more authentically because as you know, I now have a tortilla press. (Hard to remember when that wasn't the case. Dark times.) There was also tequila. And sopapilla cheesecake. Different but still very large hats.

That is what I would LIKE to report to you right now but cannot because I didn't realize ahead of time that it was Derby day and also Saturday was book club night and all I managed to do was make chicken flautas.

And wistfully mention bourbon several times.

Magnificent book club hostess Lori, however, really stepped up in the large hat department.

HOLIDAY NOT RUINED.

When it comes to food, Anna has still been keeping her distance, for the most part.

As literally as possible.

Not Ivy, though! Hey, who's ready for some solid foods?

That's right big girl, get all INVOLVED with that squash.

Yeeeeeaaaah!

Oh, um, a got a free CSA box. For filling out a survey. Which seemed like a good idea at the time? And then I had beets on my counter.

Sometimes I don't think things through.

Anyway, my first CSA box strategy was to turn all the basil into pesto and just...throw it on top of something. Oh, minestrone! Yes, that works. It's supposed to be "smoky minestrone" due to the presence of bacon, but that was mostly lost on me (have my tastebuds stopped working?).

If I'm going to keep writing about food, I probably need a keyboard shortcut for "Needs more bacon."

Hey Ivy, let's show Dr. Spencer what a happy, charming baby you are! You'll be such a relief for her after dealing with your sister for almost three years.

Oh, come on.

Is it possible to have TWO sneaky unpredicta-babies under one roof?

This is actually a high holiday in Year of the Pun

For some reason, everything I made this week was sort of bland, whereas last week it was all a little too salty. What is happening? I think my "pinches" of salt are pretty consistent. Maybe some recipes just suck up the salt more enthusiastically. Also, maybe I should not consult Martha Stewart for advice on stuffing peppers.

No offense MS, we just need about 400% more seasoning in these parts.

I nabbed this Southwestern quinoa salad recipe on one of my Pinterest quinoa sprees from someone who, upon further investigation, is from...Utah. So. I guess the next time I plan this sort of menu I'll just hit up my girl Lisa like a smart person.

Sorry, I'm just really weird about flavor. And wanting it to exist.

I just realized that school is out in about two weeks and started freaking out a little bit about keeping the older monkey entertained, but I don't know what I was worried about--she's great at occupying herself!

Should be fine.

Ivy Elisabeth! You are six months old today!

And you are blonde for some reason!

And your big sister wants to give you huuuuuuugs!

Just kidding, she really doesn't want that at all.

Anyway, happy half...okay, well, I think we've lost her.

Mayday

Lately I've been feeling more or less the way Anna looks.

Less sporty, maybe.

Seriously, as an illustration of the depths to which I cannot be bothered to do anything, here is the only picture of food I have taken since last week,

Welcome to my food blog.

For someone who isn't much of an eater, Anna sure goes after a hamburger like it's a oxygen mask and the plane is going down.

Remember: if hamburgers deploy, eat your own hamburger first before helping those around you eat theirs.

Ivy's stomach has been a little unsettled, so she just opted for some ginger ale.

I did pull it together enough to do an ACTUAL project from Pinterest yesterday, and it was a surprising success. Actually, it was more of an astounding success, as it kept Anna happily in a chair for two hours and only required three changes of clothing.

This is as close as I have ever gotten to capturing an expression of wonder.

Failblog

So this week's theme is: failure. It was a spectacular week for failure here! A festival of failure, if you will. (I completely understand if you won't.)

Approximately one second after my last post, the repeated typing of the word "sugar" broke my brain and I ate every carbohydrate within three zip codes. They were delicious and I regret nothing. But I still had this low-sugar menu planned out, so here are some Southwest turkey sliders:

They were probably good, but I was pretty full from eating every single carbohydrate in North Austin.

And then I lost my softball game. I mean, I personally lost my softball game. I went to bat with one out and hit the saddest girl-grounder in history and then a double play happened (it's Passive Voice Day, you guys) and that was that. Ugh. I need a minute. Look at my cute baby.

NOW LOOK AT ALL THE HOPE IN ANNA'S EYES BEFORE I LOST AN ENTIRE GAME BY MYSELF.

It's okay, though. I'm definitely on the road to recovery. Dan cheered me up this morning by making a wonderful, bacony breakfast.

I already kind of forgot what we were talking about.

And Ivy cheered me up by practicing her sarcasm faces.

I feel okay with being a constant source of disappointment if this is the face I'm met with.

She really wants one for each hand, and at some point I'm just going to cave

Hey! I My partner with the good sense of direction won got second place in a race scavenger hunt this weekend! My immediate post-race recovery was beer and onion rings (standard), but I felt like I could use a little more weighing down, so I whipped up some goulash with potatoes. This was originally intended to be part of Culinary Heritage Week, but my parents argued that midwestern goulash (what I grew up with) is too far removed from Hungarian goulash (what I actually made) to even count as a tribute.

Not a tribute.

Did I tell you guys that I joined a softball team? It's not hardcore or anything--the email I got from the league included specific instructions regarding acceptable containers for your beer during games--but it still requires that I wear shorts. Outside. Where sunshine and people are. So I started casting about for some appropriately trendy weight-loss strategy and noticed that the sugar detox is all the rage. This obviously appeals to me, since sugar is, as we have discussed several times, DEATH. Or at the very least, THIGHFAT. Anyway, long story short (too late), I had asparagus for breakfast.

Not sure why Dan didn't ask for any.

I see that the standard period of time for this sort of thing is 21 days, which means I can probably manage it for about 21 hours. This blackened salmon with tomato gravy was good, at least.

According to my research, less sugar equals way, way more bacon.

Aaaaand I just saw someone on television eat some candy, so we should be done with this pretty shortly.

The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a certain piece of headwear on all recent pictures of Anna. I assume her refusal to remove it is due to her love of America, and also pastimes. Anyway, the fact that she was just randomly wearing a baseball cap everywhere was starting to look a little bit silly, so I decided to take action.

Much better.

Also, sleep training is still going well, thanks for asking!

I actually think eye-rolling is more advanced than rolling over

Okay, Culinary Heritage Week continues with green chile casserole, which is in very good company as a delicious thing that photographs horribly. This version is close to my family's, although we use tortilla chips instead of plain tortillas, because things are generally better fried. My personal take on it was less "casserole" and more "oven-baked nachos," which I consider an improvement. I also replaced the cream of chicken soup with an outrageously over-peppered béchamel sauce and it was GREAT.

Tortilla chips + cheese + some stuff in the middle I guess = yum.

Next up: Chinese BBQ pork with fried rice. I couldn't find the original Sunset Magazine Cookbook recipe for the pork online, and I am too lazy to type it out. Look up Chinese BBQ pork! I'm sure you can find something good! Just marinate pork tenderloin with some honey and ginger and garlic and cinnamon and soy sauce THERE LOOK I basically typed it out after all.

Anyway, my childhood version didn't include asparagus, so I was a luckier child than Anna and Ivy.

Last and best: grilled cheese and tomato soup. I actually grilled pimento cheese, due to an insane surplus from the Chihuahuas, and I definitely recommend this strategy if you find yourself in a similar position.

It's all orange and warm and gooooooood.

Anna immediately announced that she "so love(s) tomato soup."

This realization seemed to confuse her somewhat.

Though now that I think about it, her uncertainty might have more to do with her recent crisis of personal style.

There is much effort, but little joy.

"WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?"

Ivy is, for the moment, biting her tongue.

I think he also made up something about horseshoes and hand grenades

Hey, I haven't done a theme week in a long time, right? I'm asking because I don't have the motivation to actually do any research on the subject. Let's all just agree that is has been some long yet unspecified amount of time since we had a theme week around here and proceed. Good!

This week's theme is: Erica's Culinary Heritage, or Dinners I Remember From Childhood. (I feel like that 18th Century Novels class I took in college is really paying off in the form of my being awesome at naming things.) First up was very obvious to me, as it is a dish I have only ever eaten or heard mention of at my parents' house, and that is Chihuahuas (or We Know It Sounds Disgusting But It's Good, Try It).

In the dark days before the Internet was around to correct me on such matters, I assumed that Chihuahuas were something my father had invented, along with at least one Groucho Marx joke, a dance known as The Freddie, and the lyrics to Johnny Horton's "Battle of New Orleans." Turns out I was giving him far too much blame credit! The Chihuahua Sandwich was in fact created at the Sky-Vue Drive In at Lamesa, TX, just as he has specifically claimed for a long time! (I had until now assumed that Lamesa, TX was also a figment of his imagination.) We do a slight variation, serving it open faced and using browned ground beef mixed with Rotel instead of chili, and in this instance I busted out some homemade pimento cheese. I went with the highest cheese (good) to mayonnaise (evil) ratio I could find. And here they are!

I know it sounds disgusting, but it's good, try it.

Hey, do you guys remember when I was going to try to lose some weight? Haha. For the record, any proclamations along those lines have an implied "for the next 8 hours" tacked on to the end.

So Anna and I went to next-door-neighbor Parker's 4th birthday party this weekend. Happy birthday, guy! It was at a cool little-kid-oriented carnival sort of place. Look, they have a proper carousel!

And PONIES! What 2-year-old can resist PONIES?

Oh, right.

Anna did find plenty of activities she enjoyed, though, like changing positions on her bench:

Sitting on a different bench:

Not stepping in mud:

And perennial favorite, playing with rocks:

She did manage to get into the party spirit by the end.

Why so serious, y'all?