The triumphant return of my stunning glassware

The problem with this year's project, before it even begins, is that I am a slow reader. You may recall that last year's pace was less than brisk, and that was when half of the written material was intended for children. The first book on my list for this round is Middlemarch, my copy of which weighs in at a whopping 822 pages. That's 822 pages of 19th century grown-up words. So don't expect to see my rendition of Mr. Casaubon's Chicken Noodle Soup for quite some time, possibly even the middle of…I mean, you know. You know.

That means its filler time! Looks like we still have half of a Martha to wrestle down (that's right, DOUBLE ISSUE), and also a January Bon App├ętit (with hip new font! and bee pollen sprinkled on things for no reason! everyone is trying really, really hard this year already!). I think we should make them fight.

ROUND ONE: Smoothies.

BA contender: The Greenenst Smoothie.

Do your eyes deceive you: no, they do not.

Clearly my version of this is not in any way the greenest smoothie. It is possibly the dullest chartreuse smoothie, if we are being charitable. I would have described it as the puce-est smoothie, but the internet informs me that I am wrong about what color puce is. (If I knew how to insert polls into my posts, I would do so here: WHAT COLOR DID YOU THINK PUCE WAS? A) Yellowish green; B) Disgusting purple; C) The exact color of the above smoothie.)

Conclusion: this tasted really, unexpectedly fantastic.

Martha contender: Strawberry-grapefruit smoothie.

Intended use: breakfast of a three-day "detox" diet.

My use: something to interrupt 10 am cookie-eating.

Was it successful: yes, I did not resume eating cookies until at least 10:45 am.


Winner: me.

I have only tried one of the pasta entrants so far, Martha's Spaghetti with Collard Greens and Lemon.

I did not care for it! But Anna described it as "slurptastic" approximately three dozen times, probably because I put jarred pasta sauce on hers.

She had to raise the roof to get that slurp up high enough.

Anna also informed me last night that she knows, like, "one hundred maths," which is frankly about 85 more maths than I know. Meanwhile, my three-year-old finally gave herself a haircut for the first time and it was absolutely the least exasperating thing she did yesterday. AGE FIVE FOREVER.