Some stuff about cooking or whatever

NEW HOBBY UPDATE: I have now attempted 48 different candle-scent combinations, about nine of which are very good and only three of which intentionally smell like dirt. Once I have done some more curing and sorting and testing I will probably give away some of the failed prototypes, if anyone is interested (many of them smell good but not strong enough, or not exactly what I was going for, I promise only one of them is a combination of beef jerky and orange). Unemployed Lawyer Mom: Hosting Fun Giveaways Of My Trash Since Whenever I Unloaded All Those Cookbooks On You Guys.

Anyway, while I have clearly lost all interest in cooking anything but my beautiful, precious soy wax, my family has refused to take a hint and continues to expect digestible material at regular intervals. We can live off the smelllllls, I insist quietly. Try the one that smells like apple strudel again. Still, they are unmoved. Magazine Month is now behind us, and I will likely not finish reading Middlemarch within the bounds of my current lifespan, so it's time to move on to an exciting new adventure. A couple of months ago I received a three-month subscription to a cooking…class?..website in a subscription box. It's www.saltedtv.com and I'm not 100% sure I understand it, but I have three months to figure it out, I guess, so here we go! Cooking Class Website Month! So catchy! I was going to throw a paragraph-ending joke here but my mind wandered to candles again!

I am immediately annoyed that you have to watch video for all the recipes, even though watching videos is the entire point of this exercise. I tried to pick a couple of sportsball-appropriate items for Sunday night. The general direction I aimed for was "cheesy and fried."

First, Cheese Pizza Bites.

This is food for children. I have two children. For some reason they were both actively repulsed by the very existence of these. I thought they tasted fine.

Next: Various things coated in Tempura Batter.

This is food for grown-ups and it is an excellent way to find yourself well above your daily recommended intake of vegetables and annual recommended intake of fried batter.

At this point I have the following apparently-conflicting thoughts about the service, which are: 1) most of these courses will be too basic for me, and 2) it's a little hard to follow. I had trouble nailing down the exact proportion of things in the tempura batter, although it turned out fine in the end. Maybe the problem is that I was cherry-picking recipes instead of buckling down an watching an entire course, such as….

The Grilled Cheese Master Class. Now here's where this free subscription really pays for itself! With directions that begin with two cups of butter and a cup of mayonnaise and end with coating the whole thing in a parmesan-bacon crust.

You know you ought to look away, but you CAN'T DO IT.

I don't know. So far I mostly feel appalled at my own digestive tract for calmly accepting what I have handed it the past couple of days. We'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, it was so nice this weekend that we enjoyed our cups of breakfast butter outdoors.

Further evidence that my reverse-seasonal depression is fully warranted.