Previously on Unemployed Lawyer Mom

Great news, all. My decision to branch out into Facebook posting has garnered upward of three new readers. Welcome, friends! I thought it might be nice to give you a little primer on what we're about here. First of all, the previous sentence is the only time I've ever used the editorial "we," so it's pretty exciting that you were here for that. Second, although it was historically a lawn and garden blog, it has mostly developed into a badly-lit food, weirdly-expressioned kid situation. I'm actually 94 cookbooks into a 100 cookbook project, although that seems to have stalled out a bit for various reasons, one of which is that birthdays and the associated inexorable march of time make me feel tired.

Wearying.

If you are anxious to check out my food-project prowess in action, you can visit the time I cooked every recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit or the time I did a Whole 30. These were both good ideas that went very well, as I recall. Anyway, I'm sorry for the current lack of food content. I should probably make "I spend a lot of time making excuses and apologizing, just like in real life" my Third Point. I do want to note that I was fed Frito pie for the second time in one calendar week, thus confirming the accuracy of this survey.

Thanks, Mary Beth!

To make up for my lack of badly-lit meals, I'm going to throw in a series of badly-lit attempts to corner my two children in one photograph. Bonus: Anna's devolution from bemusement to defeat is almost an exact mirror of my own facial expressions throughout any given day. It's so gratifying to see yourself in your children.

I never promised you a happy ending. Anyway, I think #2 for the Christmas cards, right?

House of Big Girls

It has been an action-packed few days around these parts, friends. I always forget that the autumn trade-off for not having 105-degree days is that people are going to start expecting me to leave the house kind of a lot. Like twice in one day sometimes. Madness, I know, but I will do basically anything in exchange for jacket weather (read: below 82). So here we go! First up, superhero birthday party.

The best thing about this party was the cape, as it gave Anna a chance to embody the various types of superhero to see which one was right for her. That seems like a pretty important milestone. Actually, I should probably let Ivy do some cape experimentation today in preparation for her checkup tomorrow, just in case that question makes the survey ("Ivy has shown interest in a Stan Lee model. Excelsior!") Let's see what Anna went with:

Distant and brooding?

Bold?

Shoe-gazing?

Ah, looks like she landed on "twirly." Very good.

Next event: preschool Fall Festival. Nice weather, well-organized, tons of fun activities for the kids. Pumpkin decorating, mask-making, petting zoo, dress-up picture station--basically everything normal children would need to stay entertained.

I assume.

More importantly, the potluck game at this thing was intense.

Homemade tamale, anyone? Turkish chickpeas? The other plate (not pictured) is entirely devoted to various quinoa salads.

My contribution? Oh. I, uh, put tomatoes on top of puff pastry.

And yes it IS appropriate to bring an "End of Summer" dish to a November event, thank you.

Hey, I know what the people want.

(Things that taste like pizza.) 

Last and most importantly, my squishy little harbinger of milkshakes turned TWO yesterday. We had to cancel our semi-grand plans for a birthday outing due to rain, but no matter. Turns out if you show up at the toy store one minute after they open on a wet Monday morning, you pretty much have the run of the place. I highly recommend it.

ALL THE MARBLES WILL BE YOURS.

ALSO ALL THE SEAFOOD IF YOU CAN JUST...REACH...

Of course, the downside of a mostly empty store is being a little extra creeped out by whatever is happening in this dollhouse display.

Nothing good!

We ran her through her fun-paces until she basically collapsed.

The Pink Chair of Surrender

I was pleased to see that she wasn't too zombified to add an appropriate amount of butter to her dinner pancakes.

That's my big girl.

Anyway, time to go. We have work to do.

The owl and the pussycat

Hey there, how was everyone's Halloween? Did you dress up? I went as a lady whose eye makeup was slightly too aggressive for daylight hours. A sexy one. As you are well aware, federal blogging regulations require that I post pictures of en-costumed children today. (You may not realize that there are new guidelines in place making the pointing out of said obligation mandatory as well.)

Ivy takes this costuming business very seriously, as you can see by her physical insistence that all visitors don festival apparel throughout the month of October.

They're usually pretty grateful.

She is also serious about the following:

Pumpkin innards

Being made to pose sweetly before receiving candy

GUTS

Usually-serious sister, however, got a little sassy in her kitty outfit.

Probably because she knew how much fun Cash and Scarlett's party was going to be. Really, how can you avoid being excited about a shindig that involves:

Infested punch

This nonsense, which allows me to claim that I didn't eat any candy last night because I ate five pounds of devil-mix instead, although it's POSSIBLE that there is candy within it, I guess

I guess.

The greatest pie in all the land

Puns

Blue tongues

Guts-covered shoes

Sugar-wired owls

A fun evening all around. Uh oh guys, I'd better go, I think Anna just realized that we dressed her in head-to-toe black and sent her out to roam the streets at night.

Fortunately, orange and black are two of the more nutritious food groups

Mom's group Halloween party time! Get ready to hold all the orange and black foods I can come up with, table!

Theeeeeeeeemes. Unoriginal theeeeeeeeeeeeemes.

I also threw in some caramel apple sticky buns and lo, they were beautiful.

Not everybody went for these, but those who did are now forever under their spell.

Anna took this opportunity to practice her "I think you should give me a cupcake" face.

(She's dressed as a cat burglar.)

OF COURSE IT WORKED, COME ON.

She was just going to burgle one anyway.

Ivy was a little tough to nail down.

Oh there she is--partying it up with BFF Scarlett, of course.

Save some fun for the rest of us, girls!

If you ever attend a party at our house just know that you are safe from evil and excess cupcakes because Anna is watching.

Always watching.

My brother was in town for a couple of days, so we swing by Lucy's Fried Chicken for lunch.

As you do.

Nathaniel, having bold youngest-sibling tendencies, decided that ridiculous fried chicken wasn't enough and ordered a plate of deep-fried deviled eggs.

He'll show you ridiculous.

Ivy, being a youngest child herself, was completely in favor. Actually, she wants to make sure you see what's going on here.

DO YOU SEE IT?