The triumphant return of my stunning glassware

The problem with this year's project, before it even begins, is that I am a slow reader. You may recall that last year's pace was less than brisk, and that was when half of the written material was intended for children. The first book on my list for this round is Middlemarch, my copy of which weighs in at a whopping 822 pages. That's 822 pages of 19th century grown-up words. So don't expect to see my rendition of Mr. Casaubon's Chicken Noodle Soup for quite some time, possibly even the middle of…I mean, you know. You know.

That means its filler time! Looks like we still have half of a Martha to wrestle down (that's right, DOUBLE ISSUE), and also a January Bon Appétit (with hip new font! and bee pollen sprinkled on things for no reason! everyone is trying really, really hard this year already!). I think we should make them fight.

ROUND ONE: Smoothies.

BA contender: The Greenenst Smoothie.

Do your eyes deceive you: no, they do not.

Clearly my version of this is not in any way the greenest smoothie. It is possibly the dullest chartreuse smoothie, if we are being charitable. I would have described it as the puce-est smoothie, but the internet informs me that I am wrong about what color puce is. (If I knew how to insert polls into my posts, I would do so here: WHAT COLOR DID YOU THINK PUCE WAS? A) Yellowish green; B) Disgusting purple; C) The exact color of the above smoothie.)

Conclusion: this tasted really, unexpectedly fantastic.


Martha contender: Strawberry-grapefruit smoothie.

Intended use: breakfast of a three-day "detox" diet.

My use: something to interrupt 10 am cookie-eating.

Was it successful: yes, I did not resume eating cookies until at least 10:45 am.

ALSO UNEXPECTEDLY DELICIOUS.

Winner: me.


I have only tried one of the pasta entrants so far, Martha's Spaghetti with Collard Greens and Lemon.

I did not care for it! But Anna described it as "slurptastic" approximately three dozen times, probably because I put jarred pasta sauce on hers.

She had to raise the roof to get that slurp up high enough.

Anna also informed me last night that she knows, like, "one hundred maths," which is frankly about 85 more maths than I know. Meanwhile, my three-year-old finally gave herself a haircut for the first time and it was absolutely the least exasperating thing she did yesterday. AGE FIVE FOREVER.

I GUESS I AM ALSO YELLING JOKES A LOT THIS YEAR

Hello and happy 2015, everyone! Unless you are already past the honeymoon phase of this year, in which case, chin up, only 363 days left to slog through.

On Wednesday night we attended our annual Huff-Loontjer New Year's Eve Extravaganza for the 12th time in a row. Over the years this occasion has morphed from "hitting three parties by midnight" to "doing shots in Amsterdam" to "piling small children together as adorably as possible so we can play Yahtzee in peace." Non-stop craziness, is what I'm saying.

Dan had DOUBLE YAHTZEES this year.

I know it seemed like I had really dropped the ball on the December Martha recipes lately, but I was really just waiting for the ball to drop.

GET IT

BECAUSE OF NEW YEAR'S EVE

SOME PLACES DROP A BALL AT MIDNIGHT

AND IT WORKS WITH THAT FIRST EXPRESSION

Anyway, that's Pistachio Guacamole, Prosciutto Crisps, Red-Pepper and Walnut Dip with Pomegranate, and a Cheddar and Almond Pinecone that looks better than Martha's, that's right, I said it, 2015 IS MY YEAR TO DOMINATE THE CUTESY PARTY FOOD SCENE.

Anyway, I don't even know what Emily's contribution was, just her good looks I guess.

Lazy.

There hasn't been a lot on Martha's calendar lately, but if you haven't already, you should be taking down your Christmas trees, plural, today.

2015 BLOG PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT: I plan to continue the half-success of one of 2014's projects, which is reading/cooking along with the Book Lover's Cookbook. This time I am narrowing the focus down to classics, as that is the part I enjoyed the most last year. Looks like some great stuff on the schedule, including Oliver Twist, Les Misérables, and The Grapes of Wrath, so get ready to experience a lot of joy and laughter together.

Speaking of, I really do hope everyone bore their end-of-year fun with as much dignity as possible.

Reader, I ate it anyway

You may have noticed that my last post included no reference to Martha, as I was confident that she would not want to be associated with such silliness. I will go ahead and tell you now that no one would want to be associated with the following. I am considering taking on a pseudonym, myself.

We had a pretty good thing going with the all-ball Christmas dinner, but I thought I would try to round it out (NOT SORRY) with a traditional holiday pudding. I have been very inattentive to my Book Lover's Cookbook of late, and the recipe associated with "A Christmas Carol" is a carrot pudding in the Dickensian style, which in theory should end up being more or less circular at the end of the day.

I have come here today to disprove this theory.

My re-read of A Christmas Carol was not as surprising as some other revisits of classics have been, since I see or hear at least some version of it annually. I tend to favor the audio reading of Sir Patrick Stewart, particularly the two moments when he is called upon to pretend to be a small child singing.

It's the small things that bring the greatest joy.

I will say that the actual text is very rewarding, particularly since amusing asides tend to be cut in favor of straight plot in popular renditions of the story. My favorite rediscovery this year was Nephew Fred's insistence that Christmas is wonderful because it's a time for everyone to "think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave." NEPHEW FRED IS THE CHEERFUL CHARACTER IN THIS STORY. I love the Victorians so, so much.

Looking great so far!

The passage excerpted in the cookbook is of course about the pudding at the Cratchit house, featuring the high anxiety of Mrs. Cratchit as she unveils the long-gestating treat. I have to admit, I was not particularly nervous about this dish until an unnamed party suggested that in order to make it more ball-shaped, we could cook it in a cheesecloth wrapping, rather than in a bowl or mold as suggested by the recipe.

This method does have the added bonus of evoking the head of Marley's ghost. 

Fun fact: puddings traditionally cook and dry out for an exceedingly long time. The two-to-three hour span that the recipe suggests is short by at least several weeks.

Possibly months.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Cratchit.

We couldn't save it.

Know in your heart that even though it looks like a bag of vomit, it smells like Christmas.

Sloppy, sloppy Christmas.

Speaking of abject failure, let's skim over Martha's recent calendar activities, here we go, Christmas brunch, sure, horseback riding, obviously, hey look, today is Frédéric Fekkai's birthday!

Happy birthday, Martha's friend Frédéric Fekkai! I will try this out today if I decide to shower.

Anyway, we've got some winter break to embrace over here. Time to ride.

Rounders

I trust everyone is having a very generous Boxing Day and that the leftovers you sent home to your servants' families were of the highest caliber. Had I a staff, their loved ones would probably be confused this year upon unboxing what can only be described as an absurd number of edible balls.

I have already been asked by several people why my family had a Christmas dinner composed entirely of balls, to which I have mostly responded with a tired "I don't know." That's not 100% accurate. My brother and I joked about an all-ball meal at various points over the past 20 years, and in our family that is exactly the type of bluff that will eventually be called.

AND ANSWERED.

Sure it's silly, but everyone was 100% on board!

Even Dan got into the spirit, creating a highly festive Chex Mix ball.

We awarded him Nicest Try.

Sadly, this was a grueling process that drove him to the very brink of madness.

He is still clutching those tongs, three days later.

For the most part, though, this was a resounding success. A reROUNDing success.

Did I mention that I am tired.

Anyway, that is a thing that happened in my life, which is what you come here to find out about I guess.

Thumbs up, would create an entire menu around a geometrical theme again.

Next time I will tell you about the pudding.

I know, but it would be wrong to pretend it just never happened.

You can make some balls of your own while you wait:

http://foxeslovelemons.com/greek-chicken-meatballs
http://www.seriouseats.com/2013/11/browned-brussels-sprouts-with-maple-butter-recipe-from-choosing-sides-cookbook.html
http://inquiringchef.com/2013/02/14/chocolate-dipped-banana-bread-truffles/
http://www.momables.com/baked-cauliflower-bites-recipe/
http://www.rickiheller.com/2014/02/sweet-potato-and-kale-balls-from-daily-bites/
http://www.food.com/recipe/baked-salmon-balls-82375

Let's get this theme rolling

Oh, I started Martha-ing EARLY THIS MORNING, you guys. Apple fritters wait for no sleepy man!

I haven't done much in the way of cooking at this point because I have been busy prepping because my family is eating only ball-shaped foods all day because insanity has a genetic component.


Before that, though, some calendar items:

December 19th: "Place order for seeds and exotic plants for greenhouse." Hey Dan, we need some exotic plants.

December 20th: "Hang stocking and fresh mistletoe."

December 21st: "Bake and decorate sugar cookies with Jude and Truman."

I let the girls make help me with these Peppermint-Candy Sugar Cookies.

Some turned out a little more gargoyled than others.

December 22nd: "Have piano tuned." I don't have a piano. Or, still, a horse. Although we did do our stylish best on that point this week:

Anyway, I have so many thing to roll into balls right now, you really…just…have no idea. So for now, stay warm everyone!

Stay well-fed!

Hide from Santa if you need to!

Honestly, I thought your Celine Dion was spot-on

Is it dreary where you are? We have a mild case of drearies down here. (Of course, I like gray skies, the more dismal the better, but whatever, different strokes.) Try a big rainbow-y bowl of Winter-Vegetable Curry!

This was very good and probably would have been even better if I had used the full amount of curry paste, but my ildren-chay hate avor-flay.

Alternate pick-me up dinner: Espresso-Rubbed Steaks, although I must warn you, they photograph TERRIBLY.

Official Martha Craft That I Tried To Pull Off Without Going To The Store #3: Foil Snowman Lawn Ornaments.

Looks like somebody's American Garden just got a little more Outstanding!

Official Martha Craft That I Tried To Pull Off Without Going To The Store #4: Threaded Pomander Balls. I didn't have any beading cord, but it looked more or less like dental floss to me anyway.

"Mint" is also a holiday scent.

Martha's Calendar: Oh boy, you can tell we're in crunch time now because her entire to-do list for December 16th-18th is to note various birthdays. Happy birthdays to Jane Heller, Darcy Miller, and Kevin Sharkey, friend, colleague, and colleague of Martha!

Hey, that holiday party the other night was fun, huh?

Yeah, started a little rocky, but you perked up, right?

It's okay, I thought it was cute when you really animatedly told that story three times! Seriously, everyone was just having fun!

No, no, I definitely don't think anyone noticed that you ended up on the floor.

Don't worry about it! It was a party. No one was judging you.