This weekend I floated past one of my friends the idea of quietly slinking away from NoGwenber and proceeding with my life in a normal, additive- and allergen-filled fashion, and she reacted with what can only be described as genuine horror that I would even suggest such a thing. So here you go Alex, this bowl of pasta and cat food Brown Rice Pasta with Tuna, Olives, Fried Capers, and Parsley is for you.
Cat Food Pasta
- How Gwenythy is the intro? "Brown rice pasta has many detractors, and for good reason. It doesn't stand up that well to sauces and doesn't have the same great chew as regular pasta." "This recipe was inspired by a meal I had made by Gavin Rossdale." Let' see…indicating that the following recipe will be significantly worse than normal versions of it, random name-drop, beautifully awkward phrasing implying that perhaps she just woke up one day and demanded that Gavin Rossdale produce an inferior pasta dish for her…yes, I'm going to award this a FULL GWENYTH. 10 out of 10 points.
- Substitutions: brown rice shells for brown rice rotini, the only tin of anchovies at HEB for "good-quality" anchovy fillets, water-packed tuna for olive oil-packed tuna.
- Additions: some of the water from the jar of capers (accidental), resulting in an astounding, almost spiritual level of saltiness.
- Result: I actually liked this even with all the salt and the mushy pasta, but that might be because I was blasting "Swallowed" in my head throughout the meal.
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| you're the wave you're the wave you're the wave |
When it came time to celebrate a third birthday, though, I had to choose which flaxen diva's inspiration to follow, and I went with my (highly adept at sugar-processing) gut.
Made a few of these:
Tossed 'em in this guy:
Rounded things out, get it, eggs are round:
And free-handed an owl, because owls are the easiest.
Actually, if I may throw my fashionable hair-tie into the lifestyle recommendations ring for a moment? Let me just say that party-hosting becomes tremendously easy if you base your theme on whatever animal or character already occurs most frequently in your home. Look around you. Do you notice a LOT of, say, owls? There you go. When, on the day of the party, you realize that you and your husband both have shirts with owls on them, you will know that you made the right decision.
I think things turned out pretty well, although I worry that Ivy was disappointed that I didn't go with vegan cheesecake or something.
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| She does love tapioca starch. |
