I will start sewing a gouda costume right now

So who's up for an Oat-Coconut Smoothie this morning?* Come on guys, it's so oaty! I'm pretty sure Martha lovingly mixes giant tubs of this stuff for those horses she rides every weekend.

*Stunning bird glasses not included.

I realized that in order to do any justice at all to this particular Martha Month, I would have to throw a Halloween party. So I did that. Some of the cutesy crafty things turned out very much like they were supposed to! Look how slimy the Slimy Spiders turned out, for example:

I even colored in the word "spiders" all by myself. Anna also colored some labels, but I am not going to show them to you because they are significantly better.

The Candy Popcorn Ears made a very impressive-looking pile. 

Pretty sure if I had wrapped the poop donuts in enough parchment paper you guys would have been like "Whoa, those are almost too classy."

And teensy orange/pumpkins are basically the easiest way to make people say "Cute!" that I have ever found.

I mean, they looked easy anyway.

Obviously, not everything can be identical to the magazine picture. This is real life, where beautiful lacy pumpkins sometimes come out looking significantly different than their inspiration.

Significantly BETTER, really, since the original pattern lacked a distinct sense of having been literally touched by hellfire.

 Whew. To the calendar we go.

October 17th: "Third annual Martha Stewart American Made Award winners revealed!" This is neither a Gentle Reminder nor a Helpful Tip, Martha. I'm going to file this under Important Dates, but I think you're pushing it. Letting it slide because you did not force me to come up with another "horseback ride" picture this round.

October 18th: "Teach Cooking With One Pot class at the New York City Wine and Food Festival." I'm inclined to give my readers enough credit to not need this, but I know cooking isn't for everybody, so just a quick primer: when making a meal, look at your stove. Do you see pots in excess of one? If so, start over.



October 19th: "Plant amaryllis bulbs to give as Christmas gifts." All this did was remind me that I haven't seen The Music Man in a long time.

October 20th: "Mow the lawn for the last time this season." It was 85 degrees today, this is not going to be the last time our lawn needs mowing. Also I did not mow the lawn. I did give it a fairly stern look, though.

"Weight training." YES FINALLY THANK YOU. Pushing and pulling heavy things makes me feel like a badass. Doing Pilates just makes me feel like an uncomfortable person. In some ways I feel like the gym is one of the only places that I can zero in on my Real Self, and that self is a person who enjoys doing leg press reps in time to "Don't Rain on My Parade."

Seems worth comparing what Ivy chose to wear to Target a few days ago:

(ballerina-owl costume)

to what she chose to wear to our own Halloween costume party:

(air of disdain)

Also that Anna was a cat last year and is a mouse this year and I will be the absolute last person on earth to talk her out of going as cheese in 2015 if it comes to that.