I have claimed neither fairness nor impartiality

I'm afraid BATTLE: BOOK CLUB is going to be a real apples/oranges chocolate/mushrooms sort of deal, but they can't all be a falafel-off, folks. (Furiously scribbles notes re: 2017 garbanzo-exclusive diet?) Turns out neither Rachael Ray nor Eating Well thinks that you need a wide selection of party-type appetizers for January, which, fine. But I do. I do need them every month just in case.

Contender #1: Pumpkin Cheesecake Swirl Brownies from Eating Well.

Ugh. Pumpkin anything in January seems like madness to me. We're past that now! Give me a king cake! Give me a peanut butter banana Elvis tribute! I was tired of pumpkin spice by the first week of October. Also, suggesting throw I throw the extra pumpkin into some oatmeal doesn't make these brownies healthy, but nice try guys. Still: chocolate.

Contender #2: Garlic Naan Flatbread Pizzas with Mushrooms. These came together pretty quickly and the preparation of them made the house smell really good. Those polled overwhelmingly (two or three to zero, I think!) chose this as the winner.

So it may come as a shock to you that I am declaring this round a tie, because I will NEVER give the win to mushrooms over chocolate, do you hear me? NEVER. NOT IN MY HOUSE.

Baby teeth vs. delicate emotions update: tooth number two jumped out in a laudable display of good timing.

And at the children's museum this weekend, Ivy upheld a long family tradition of watching other people have fun for at least half an hour before personally risking it.