New Orleans: Other stuff.

So here's a quick glimpse at the non-edible goings on in New Orleans last weekend. First, the main event: race time. Costumes were optional, so, we obviously had to make that happen. In Austin we both just wore tuxedo t-shirts and named ourselves "The Aristocrats." We decided to stick with the same theme, but amped it up a little for NOLA.

That necklace lasted for about 20 feet of sprinting. Coincidentally, that is also how long any confidence in my cardiovascular system lasted.

Here I am with awesomely-mustachioed race partner Kevin. We're totally ready to go out and not be the absolute slowest racers!

Seriously, I like to believe that if Anna were in danger or something I would be able to run three full city blocks without stopping and gasping dramatically. But I don't know.

Working theory: we didn't get first place because at some point during the race I somehow shrank three feet.

It just takes a lot more strides when you are two and a half feet tall.

We estimate that we were around 14th place out of 34 teams, which is actually much better than I anticipated. Middle of the pack is completely reasonable! Especially considering how many poor racing decisions we made along the way. Let's just say that our Waterloo involved an alligator po'boy and leave it at that.

Anyway, New Orleans is obviously full of beautiful and historical things (boring) and on Halloween weekend, very committed costumes (inappropriate), but one of the most interesting pictures from our trip was this broken glass along the top of a French Quarter wall.

Aaaand here's how we got it.

He was up there for long enough that people in a passing car shouted out a hospital recommendation on their way by.

Anyway, it was a really fun, disaster-free trip that I enjoyed very much, which is why it makes for a pretty boring post. I promise the next time I venture away for so long, I'll try to come back with some tales of hilarious mishaps. Possibly some scrapes. At least one shenanigan.

Hmm, I can totally tell who we are here. MASK FAIL.

New Orleans: Just the food, ma'am.

Hey, whoa, where have I been? Oh yeah...out of town. And then...uh, too lazy to post anything. But here I am! We have returned victorious** from our New Orleans race, and I'm ready to tell you about the good stuff: the 85,941 calories I consumed within a four-day period.

Listen, just putting all this together still hurts so good, you know? So I'm warning you: if you are now, or have ever been, a hungry person...watch out. I also want to go on record as saying that despite the extremely graphic images you are about to see, I regret nothing.

Rajun Cajun Omelette from River's Edge Restaurant. This was kind of a throwaway meal while waiting for our date with destiny po'boys, but my husband gets extremely cranky when he's hungry on vacation. I know! I thought it would be me, too!

This is called a Famous Ferdi Special from Mother's Restaurant. When I landed in New Orleans, all I cared about was making my way to Mother's. That brown stuff is called "debris" and it is the culinary equivalent of being too stupidly amazing to even draw a metaphor regarding.

This is what I want to be looking at every day around noon. If you ever have lunch with me and see me pulling out a dog-eared photo and wiping away a single tear...you'll know.

This is the cheese plate from La Crêpe Nanou. I ate the vast majority of it, despite dining with four other people. It was still Sober October at that point, and they had drinks, so the regretting of nothing continues.

This was mine, the Crêpe au Polet. Remember how ratatouille is really great? Well, as it turns out, adding chicken cooked in a white wine curry sauce and then pouring it over a crêpe does not make it any worse. 

I believe this particular crêpe speaks for itself. So good it made me want to pronounce the word crêpe correctly.

Crawfish cakes from Pat O'Briens. I didn't even take a pictures of my red beans and rice because I was super busy rescinding Sober October.

This is the Giant Seafood Platter at Deanie's. Accompanied by one of the 72 onion rings that comprise a large order. Do not do this. Please, no one ever do this.

Café au lait and beignets from Café du Monde. Iconic for a reason. Also, I could have stuck this photo anywhere in the order and it would have been accurate, since we stopped there at every conceivable opportunity.

This is the least justice-doing photo of the bunch: pecan pancakes and a cheese omelet with hash browns from the Camellia Grill. To give you an idea of what we were dealing with, check out the yellow jar in the upper left corner. Its a syrup dispenser full of melted butter. That's the culinary equivalent of I'm sorry but New Orleans cuisine just defies equivalency.

A cheeseburger from Port of Call. Tasted good, but a little skimpy on the cheese, yeah?

A Monday morning's best friend.

Okay, so, this is not a muffaletta from Central Grocery, because I did not realize that Central Grocery follows the closed-on-Mondays museum-rule. It is, instead, a muffaletta from the Market Cafe. What this venue lacked in original, authentic awesomeness it made up for in overshare-y hungover girls in the bathroom who were too dehydrated to pee and were considering a Bloody Mary because they were "three beers in and still struggling." Anyway, olive salad makes a sandwich taste good, full stop.

Our last gasp: fried calamari at Maspero's. Built in 1788! Andrew Jackson planned strategy for the Battle of New Orleans there! Probably while eating fried calamari, if I know that guy at all.

Okay, everyone grab some Tums and we'll put this little episode behind us. Whenever I feel like posting again: things that happened in between eating.

**Not in last place.

No one can say she isn't reaching out

Here are some things that turn me into more of a mega-geek stress-robot than usual: travel, costumes/themes, and competition. Clearly, this weekend's upcoming race is a perfect storm of me becoming tragically buried alive in a pile of my own lists and maps. Seeing as how I am essentially paralyzed by anxiety right now, combined with the fact that we're about to be out of town and still have a ton of leftovers from last week, there has been no cooking for the past couple of days. Here is a picture of my lunch.

It's probably best that we all pretend I'm joking about this.

Anna is going the opposite direction, spending the week tweaking her lounging form.

I think we've found our future Olympic event!

She also continues to work out her communication issues with Hopper.

Straight-up verbal enticement is consistently unsuccessful.

I'm not sure about the maraca or the alien, but I really believe the keys were an attempt to help him get inside the house.

When all else failed, she constructed a prison-style phone line. As Hopper had long since fled, its effectiveness remains to be seen.

From the side it's very flattering

On Sunday we teamed up with Garrett and Emily and took the tots to NXNW for brunch. They were totally down with it.

When you see your progeny starting to share your most passionate interests, like eating stuff mid-morning on weekends, it makes all the sleepless nights worth it.

I believe the children are our future of eating stuff mid-morning on weekends.

See, people giving us the stink-eye at the next table? They weren't there to throw fits, they were there for some serious chow. No worries.

Sunday evening we headed to Wimberley so that Anna could have some good cousin-bonding time with Levi. Luckily, she was so excited about the chance to soak herself from head to toe, she didn't seem to notice the piles of dirt everywhere.

After she dried off, we put her in her completely adorable new Mexican dress that makes her look like an old lady from behind, and Levi showed her how to work the DVD player.

She's asking him to please put on the screensaver.

After that, it was time to just chill.

From the front it makes her look like Al Bundy. And now I'm going to spend 20 minutes reading the trivia for "Married with Children" on IMDB. Just a little behind-the-scenes peek at my blog-writing process for the superfans.

Maybe the turkey costume will go over better next month

This has been quite the festive and food-filled weekend so far, so let's just get right to it, yes? Friday night we had our Halloween party in order to make best use of our various, clashing-style seasonal decorations. I tried to contain my inner theme-nerd a little, but it is a powerful urge.

Amy Sedaris' Li'l Smoky Cheeseball, pumpkinized.

"Devil" eggs. Or "kitty cats with some facial stubble" eggs, depends on your angle. Both scary!

Frito pie station, but that wasn't for the party, it's just always on the counter there.

Peanut butter and fudge oatmeal cookies. Plus Halloween colored sprinkles! Sometimes even I'm amazed by my creativity.

Chicken bites: barbecue.

Chicken bites: Buffalo style.

Indonesian meatballs with peanut sauce. HEB's lack of ground pork forced us to use our KitchenAid meat grinder attachment for the first time ever. Exciting! Also slightly gruesome and Halloween-y, in a Sweeney Todd sort of way, which is why I mention it. 

Ghost and spider lollipops. Of course, my spiders actually have eight legs, not like those slackers whose idea I stole.

LOOK I MADE CHIPS THAT LOOK LIKE GHOSTS AND BATS AND CATS. Sorry, I was just really proud of those. I also made this guacamole with broccoli in it, I guess because I didn't want the kids having too much fun.

Success!

Pebbles did take a break in her hour and a half screaming fit in order to aaaaaaaalmost pose with adorable dinosaur Cash.

Not sure if she was crying because Mommy isn't very good at making costumes yet or because other people were partaking of her cherished Frito pie bar or just because of the party's limited access to piles of dirt, but she was certainly very miserable. I will probably put her back in her Pebbles outfit every day this week until I get a decent picture. Sorry, kid! Welcome to childhood holidays!

After all that fun, I decided to shift gears and go to book club, with grown up ladies. Look how grown up the food was!

Cheese was very well-represented, which is really all I ask of any party, anywhere.

And desserts!

All very good stuff ladies, nice show. Worth reading a book even.