I guess now I have to stop calling it my "baby fat"

"I think it's time we discuss my curfew."

Anna takes an introspective moment to consider the weight of her year.

Happy birthday, ladybug! I hope that fussing through music class and getting your shots were all you dreamed they would be.

So she is one, and we are having a small party this weekend, and this is something I've been stressed out about since around my second trimester for some reason. Whether to do something, what to do, whether to be one of those people who says "no gifts please," who to invite, whether to be one of those people who says "whom," etc. Several months ago when I was already hemming and hawing over these extremely pressing issues, my own mother assured me that my first birthday was very simple and low key, "just something for the grandparents." No stress required! Being concerned about planning a first birthday is a silly waste of time! A quick glance through the photo album, however, provided some bits of evidence that at some point in the past 30 years perhaps she has shrunken and en-modested the event in her memory.

It's not like she went to any trouble.

And now if anyone who is attending the party is reading this, I have tipped my hand and lost my only asset, which was fake nonchalance. Crap.

Well, fine, now that my veneer of "Oh, what, this? Just whipped it up" has been compromised, I may as well tell you that I worked really hard on Dan's birthday dinner and dessert last night. Did I make Eggs Benedict with asparagus and home fries? Yes, yes I did. Does that mean I made Hollandaise sauce for the first time ever?

Correct.

But wait...surely I didn't ALSO make the English muffins from scratch?

Oh my, yes.

Granted, the English muffin-making would have been considerably less exhausting if I had managed to find the metal rings I needed to cook them all at once on the griddle instead of using my one 3-inch biscuit cutter to pour, then flip, every five minutes for an hour and a half. And yeah, Alton was all, just use empty metal cans, they're free! Uh, free if you've just eaten ten cans of tuna and not thrown them away. In which case, good for you and your "free" set of metal rings, hope your episode of "Hoarders" turns out well.

So after ALL THAT NONSENSE, what did I do?

This.

It's totally normal to have gained weight in the year since your baby was born, right?