I was going to do a light/dark LOST joke, but that's how rants are born

I'd like to start today with a little unsolicited website plug. Meetup.com: Where You Can Meet People Who Not Only Tolerate Having Both You and Your Child In Their Homes But Will Also Totally Do Your Laundry While You're There. (And thus ends my career in sloganeering, over before it even started.) Seriously, though, is Craigslist gonna do that for you? No, it is not. Thanks, Laura!

Her obsession with Mardi Gras beads is exactly why Anna won't be joining us in New Orleans.

Last night I made Roasted Yellow Pepper Soup and Roasted Tomato Soup and as you can see, I used my rusty bartending skills to get them lined up all perfectly. (I actually just used my following-the-instructions-in-the-recipe skills.) It was delicious, and I didn't even bother putting it through a sieve, I just left it with texture and seeds and everything. Next time you want your house to smell great, don't light a candle, just roast a pepper or two.

Downside: one half is evil.

Every time I watch Anna stuff two entire handfuls of cereal or whatever into her mouth, this is what plays in my head. "YOU, ALRIGHT?"

I guess the fact that all of my thoughts are structured around 80s/90s PSAs, Simpsons quotes, and the movie Clue gives you a pretty good idea of how old I am. I seriously have to try to filter out Homer Simpson's voice before I say most things out loud. And that's One to Grow On!

Also, I know you've been thinking that it would be great if I spent just a bit more time talking about my various physical ailments, so I wanted to let you know that I seem to have a small patch of eczema on my hand, and it's times like this that I really wish I hadn't seen District 9, because now I'm just waiting for this finger to fall off and an alien appendage to peek through. Will keep you posted.


  1. My favorite Homerism:
    Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of lives problems.

  2. or maybe he said beer, whatever.

  3. Yes, a classic. Mine is "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." I say that to myself almost daily.

  4. "So, I said, 'Look, buddy, your car was upside down when I got here, and, as for your grandma, well she shouldn't have mouthed off like that'!"